Being part of an experiential group was a challenging and liberating experience for me. The group was a unique combination of personalities and age groups united by a shared experience and this stood out to me as something to be mindful of in future practice. While diverse backgrounds can shape dynamics, a shared experience can ultimately be connective. In this instance, being a student, on the path toward becoming a music therapist, brought a sense of cohesion.
Despite all that, I had moments of feeling extremely vulnerable and self-conscious about my personality, but the group's shared sense of commitment and connection helped to let my strengths shine. I grappled with anxiety, especially about taking on a leadership role. I said to the group ‘I feel like I dominated coordination of tasks to get the presentation done. I’m worried I could be coming across as abrasive somehow’ and to my surprise, others did not feel this way or perceive me as such. This sharing and the response from the group gave me a confidence boost and helped us progress conversations about our group dynamic.
I noticed that I tend to find comfort in being the connector. It’s a role I to want to take on. But interestingly I also felt some resentment, perhaps because my day job requires leadership too. I even commented to a colleague ‘it would be nice not to be the leader for a change’ referring to having become the leader of the group assignment too. I was doing it out of a sense of habit and maybe a sense of obligation.
Maybe this is something to be mindful of in group settings. Has someone taken on a role out of habit or obligation? How can I allow space for letting go of that, or leaning into it?